...broke...

feel broken

feel nothing really

substantial

to provide

a coin a phrase

or a button

to put on your

shirt that I'd sell

but the words

here are not 

the words

there or the words

that they want

to buy

...lips ink..

similar to singing

she mimes the words

to the song

getting them 

all wrong

and knowing

that I'm watching

she laughs away

the blank lyrics

to avoid blushing

...ringtone...

no phone

no phone

I just want to be alone

today

(that is such bullshit)

...sad but truth...

in the dream I had

in Plattsburgh back in 1996, 

George Carlin appeared as a god, 

said that all I needed to be happy

was this honesty that most

mortals are afraid of

and that the fears that I had

up to that point

would no longer be

and he was right

(thank you, George)

...all for not...

jumping the gate

and dashing for the aisle 

I got free for a moment

lost it regained it

and lost it again

(damn security)

...one of one...

how many times

have we written about phone calls

or lines that didn't connect

like the ones in this poem

or the ones in the conversations

I have with myself

that are recorded 

on my friend's machines

This is the vacancy

that is lurking

when you don't want it to

this is the consumption

of thought 

the rumble of the stomach

when one's solitude

becomes their worst allergen

...tripping over the metaphorical shoelace...

in the whole place

nothing can beam forward

or jolt out of place

safe and secure

like the arms 

of the lover

or the assuredness

of the knot

tied tightly

...like a kid in a 128 mile per hour rocket...

the g-forces here 

are measured 

as "gee" forces

and the pure thrill

of a kid learning

how quickly one can 

overcome one's fears

you don't get a chance

to be scared when the ride

lasts a few seconds

(to the kid in the green t-shirt that was scared shitless

to ride Kingda Ka rollercoaster but came back

with a huge shit-eatin' grin on his face) 

...mid-state...

the power came back

at 2:45 in the morning

but I was already

dreaming that it

had been on for longer

...this heat...

it was so hot

that I thought you would melt

your tiny tiny figure

melting like a figurine

on the pool deck

but luckily 

we kept our cool

and composed figures

in the water trails

with our fingers

on the side of the pool

that would vanish 

quicker than sand 

paintings in wind 

...spector spectrum...

in the lightning storm

I saw the color you talked 

about the night before

and you are right

I cannot name it

nor did I actually

see it long enough

to name it

...food-less for thought...

(the stomach) (pains come) 

(from) (the fear)

(that things aren't)

(as) (they seem)

(in my head)

(it) (gets) (so) (bad)

(that it is) (like

being really) (sick)

(when illness) (isn't)

(really) (real)

(and) (the spaces)

(for those thoughts)

(to reverberate)

(in my head)

(increases with each

and every day)

(bouncing) (back

and) (forth 

echoing) (because

there) (is nothing

to stop) (the sounds

...new day's decision...

there is nothing automatic

about love or polls

there is no consensus

when it comes to politics

or relationships

of a more personal nature

you have your meetings

and your conversations

you have appointments

and joyrides

but we will never

fully agree when it comes

to who we believe 

killed our sense of faith

and the idea that 

we actually think

we have a say 

in any of our decisions

...2:20 of nice...

nice chat

nice chat

good good kitty 

we can talk

if you want to

or as long

     as long

nice chat 

nice signal strength

nice night

nice level

(I never ever use the word "nice")

(stare at it, it doesn't look, well...nice)

(that was nice though)

(the two hours and twenty minutes)

(of nice)